It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
