he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
