You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
