Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
