Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
they're like a gay fantastic four
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
