2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so explain again why im purple
no
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
