were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
