I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
