At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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