my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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