I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
