Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
