I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They have beer where we have blood.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
