it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
