my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
