Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
