Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Enjoy the penises
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
