I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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