If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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