this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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