I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
