i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We left an ass print on the piano.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
