I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
