hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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