I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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