Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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