one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
