he wants to bone in the snuggie
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
