Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
