Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
