Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
