i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
