I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
