If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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