I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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