Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
