hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
