Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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