apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
