tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
