i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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