can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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