Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
