Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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