He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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