once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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