Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
