he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
