thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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