I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
