Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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