I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
