trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this boner is exhausting
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
